China is a vast country with great disparities in wealth and experiences. Dating Chinese women in Shanghai will be very different from dating a girl in a northern coal mining town. Remember that women everywhere appreciate a man who shows good manners and respect. This is even more so for Chinese ladies.

First Impressions

Dating Chinese Girls

Make a bad first impression and this could indeed be your last date. Chinese women make quick judgments and if they don’t feel a connection, they are very reluctant to try again. On the first date, it is your job to show her everything you have to offer, financially and personally. You may be asked some very direct questions, especially about salary, so be prepared.

Chinese women are quite impressed by all things western. A woman may not even like coffee or western food, but she will still like to go to Starbucks and pizza restaurants. They believe it shows sophistication and appreciate that you are willing to spend extra money as these places are more expensive. Pizza Hut is an appropriate choice if you are in the provinces, but Shanghai and Beijing women will usually expect a more upmarket option.

Listen carefully to your date and ask questions about her hometown, family, work and studies. If your date says she doesn’t want anything to eat or drink, you should still buy her something. Many women will consider that you are generous if you buy something extra that she didn’t ask for. Choose something you like because she will offer to share.


The Chinese concept of “face” is impossible for foreigners to comprehend. It is very easy to make someone “lose face” without knowing it. Learn a little about Chinese culture before you enter the dating scene so that you avoid this pitfall. Disagreeing with your date over something that you consider trivial may be a huge loss of face for her. Tread carefully.

I love you

Although the younger generation finds it somewhat easier to say these three little words, Chinese usually find it very difficult to express their feelings. They will show how much they care through their actions rather than words. If your date offers to help you learn some Chinese or suggests a market where you can buy cheap clothes, she is showing her affection. Chinese women are pragmatic. They will not make the extra effort if they don’t have feelings for you.

Short courtship

Chinese relationships tend to move fast. After several dates, a lady will assume you are serious about her. She may want you to meet her family. This could take place at a restaurant or at the family home. You may even travel many hours to her hometown. Do not treat this lightly. Get your girlfriend to help you buy appropriate gifts for everyone. Expect your girlfriend’s father to discuss the issue of marriage.

Many western men have successful, happy marriages with Chinese women. The courtship rituals, however, are very different from those in the west. Talk to men who already have Chinese wives or girlfriends and take their advice to heart. For sure, success of dating Chinese women will depend on it.